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Archive for May, 2017|Monthly archive page

Quick and Dirty Survivor Recap: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

In Uncategorized on May 18, 2017 by Pabby MFNP


It’s been a long time, I shouldnta left you…

Sorry to my avid Survivor recap readers out there.  It’s been a long time since I’ve written a recap.  Life got too busy.  Also, writing is something that I keep high standards for myself.  If I can’t take the time and create something good,  then I’m not going to do it at all.  I’m not going to half-ass it.  But the people (one person) have spoken and clamored for a return to recaps.  Something about there being a void in their lives since I stopped doing recaps.  So I’m stepping up with this here recap for yesterday’s episode.  (This one time)  I will warn you, though.  I’m super busy and don’t have much time for this so I’m going to do this “quick and dirty.”  For some background, I used to have a manager that I’ll call “Eve” who used some pretty peculiar phrases.  She was an older lady and didn’t realize that her words could have sexual innuendo.  I work in grants and she used to say things like, “The NIH loves hot, young investigators.”  One time she said this in a meeting with two, uh, young investigators and they both looked at each other then me and I had to bite my lip so I wouldn’t laugh out loud.  Another thing she used to say is “quick and dirty,” as in, “put together a budget quick and dirty” which meant “don’t spend a lot of time on it.”  She used it a lot like “we’re going to have a quick and dirty meeting.”  Unfortunately, despite her being an older lady, I was so (and still am) so immature that I’d want to giggle every time she said it.  So long story short, here is a quick and dirty recap of yesterday’s episode:

First of all, what a f’ing season this has been.  When I first heard about a game changers season of survivor, I was like “I’ll have what she’s having” in reference to myself and this season did not disappoint. Some quick hits:

  • So bummed to see Tony get voted off so quickly.  He was so entertaining.  I loved that guy during his season and he was off to a great start.  He just got too paranoid.  If he didn’t have the fallout with Sandra, he might have made some waves.  Ok, probably not but he was so entertaining, though.
  • The Queen stays the Queen.  I hated this phrase but loved Sandra.  Although I hold Boston Rob and Russell Hantz (and to a lesser degree Cochran, Ozzy and Malcolm) in very high regard, I reluctantly have to continue to recognize that Sandra, winner of two seasons, is probably the best who ever played.  She was off to a hot start, no longer just playing under the radar but when she went, I didn’t feel bad.  I really couldn’t hear the phrase, “And the Queen stays the Queen” one more gd time.  But now I’m fixated on it.  I can’t stop writing it.  Ok, here’s the last one:  “AND THE QUEEN <dramatic pause>  STAYS THE QUEEN!”  Goodbye Sandra.  Thank you for playing.
  • JT is so dumb that it hurts my brain.  They should never have invited him back after he had that season where he wrote that letter to Russell with an an attached immunity idol that looked like it was written by a third grader. I’m not an elitist by any means.  I’m thankful to be smart enough to know what I know and to know what I don’t know.  Also, variety is the spice of life so I’m happy to interact with people with all different levels of intelligence, except for the exceptionally dumb, like JT.  I’m not going to get into it too much because it hurts my brain and soul but he got my boy Malcolm voted off and also he didn’t bring his immunity idol to tribal council and promptly got voted off!  I think JT might very well be the “stupidest person on the face of the Earth.”
  • I was super bummed to see Malcolm voted off in weeks past.  Malcolm, for me, was like a thinking man’s Ozzy.  An absolute challenge beast but who could also strategize like crazy.  Thanks a lot JT!
  • Also, bummed to see Ozzy voted off.  I always loved to see Ozzy play.  I think he was the best contestant at physical challenges and I’m pretty sure he is part dolphin.  Also, a super, genuine nice person.  So naturally, he was voted off and probably never had a chance to really win Survivor.
  • Jeff Varner.  What is there left to be said that hasn’t been said?  If life and being a parent has taught me anything, it’s that you have to learn to forgive and be patient when people are selfish, self-centered, and destructive a-holes.  To err is human.  But Jeff “outed” transgender “Zeke” and he should have gd known better.  I more than anyone appreciate it when people leave it out all out on the field in Survivor but no, that was not his news to share and it was even a terrible Survivor strategy.
  • Because I don’t want to finish the quick hits with talk of Jeff Varner, I’ll mention this season has been everything I’ve wanted and more.  While “game changers” is a misnomer or just doesn’t apply to some of the people here, everyone came to play.  Everyone was making deals, breaking deals, being manipulative, being scrappy and opportunistic.  More often than not, this was to their detriment as everyone became a target.  No one could ever relax and formulate real bonds.  Then if they did, they were targeted for being a “pair.”  It was tough to see so many players make so many moves early and then get voted out because of it, whereas their best move might have been to just relax that week.  Basically, the game has changed but the players are the same.  (RIP Powers Booth.)  But what do I know?  I’ve never played Survivor.  I’m barely hanging in there in the “Survivor” of my life.  Battling through traffic every morning and night, trying to raise some increasingly needy kids and needing to practice deep breathing exercises to do it and trying to listen to the news without having a gd anxiety attack.  I don’t want to burden you with this but just yesterday I read something so outrageous I almost deleted my Facebook account.  According to some poll, people voted for 5 Guys for the best hamburger over In N Out burger.  WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE TODAY???  Honestly, I can’t take much more of this.  Side note, if you think 5 Guys is better than In N Out, please leave this blog now.  I’m trying to keep an open mind these days because I have found that even people I care about have completely wackadoo opinions on stuff and despite everything, they are hanging on to them and I still have to care about them, even if they’re wrong but I’m drawing the line on this.  Right here, right now.  Choose.

Ugh, now for the recap.  Remember:  Quick and Dirty  (If I missed any important parts or got any details wrong, too bad)

So the episode starts out at the campfire after the tribal where Sierra was voted out.  It was then discussed that Sarah acted very surprised when Sierra was leaving.  Andrea noticed that this was very peculiar since Sarah clearly knew Sierra was leaving because she herself orchestrated it.  Unbeknownst to Andrea but knownst to us, prior to that, Sierra revealed to Sarah that she had an advantage that could be used when there was 6 people left and that she could will it to someone if she didn’t make it.  Sierra also said that she would will it to Sarah in effort to gain Sarah’s trust.  Well Sarah betrayed her for her trouble and Sierra never got wise to it and she still willed it to Sarah so now Sarah has two advantages.  The one above that we don’t know much about and another one that comes into play later.  Quick note about Sarah.  I find her to be very rough around the edges but I liked her in her original season and like her this season.  Being a cop, her life depends on her being observant and being able to read people.  Those skills have served her very well this season.

First immunity challenge.

This episode featured two immunity challenges.  I have mixed emotions about episodes with two immunity challenges.  On the one hand, AWESOME!  On the other, we are gypped out of an extra episode.  In any case, I don’t remember many of the details except that the challenge was used in the past and Jeff mentioned Cochran won this in the past.  Aubry made some kind of admiring remark about Cochran which is probably the first time that has happened.  Then Aubry won which probably also was a first. This win was important because it meant that former NFL player Brad Culpepper and devoted husband of former player Monica Culpepper, didn’t win.  Brad would have been the obvious target for tribal.  Anyway, Aubry won.  Aubrey is another player I liked from her season.  Very intelligent and crafty.  Reads people well.  However, this season she has been a non-factor.  She’s never clued in when a blindside happens and her role seems to be to compliment the people who made the move.  “Nice move, guys.”

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