Elle Severe Presents

Survivor Recap: Actions vs. Accusations

In TV Addict, Uncategorized on October 10, 2014 by Pabby MFNP


Back to camp after tribal and Baylor starts to think her alliance with Josh is not very strong.

Last week, despite Josh’s many protestations that his alliance with Baylor was stronger than ever, even though he needlessly voted for her, Baylor has realized Josh is not much help for her.  This week she realized that she came this close to getting voted out last week, going so far as to say that she’s officially woken up from thinking she’s safe from this game.   Then she switched it to the third person and said it’s gone to a Baylor fight for herself game from Baylor rely on Josh to talk to other people game.  She realized that she was pretty close to being blindsided last time.  Side note, I love when people talk in the third person.  I did that earlier today.  I said Pabby doesn’t like it when his wife buys Halloween candy too early.  Pabby shouldn’t be put in that position as he’s almost powerless not to open the bag and start eating it.  Now Pabby feels nauseous!  Pabby has no will power!  But back to the game, Baylor says that she no longer trusts anyone but is open to playing the game with anyone even still Josh.  I may have mentioned previously that Josh was part of the Broadway Spiderman show which had many production problems in the early going.  What I didn’t mention was there was a scene where Gwen Stacey was supposed to fall to her death (Oops, Spoiler Alert!) but as luck would have it, her harness was one of the few harnesses that actually held up.  The actor who played Spiderman was a consummate professional and only broke character long enough to undo the harness so they could continue the scene. But anyway Josh then had a conversation with John Rocker.  But before that could happen, John Rocker laments that Val didn’t use her idol like he told her to.  He still doesn’t seem to get that she didn’t have an idol, which leads me to think his stupidity knows no bounds.

John talks with Josh

John Rocker says to Josh, “I”m trying to figure out who flipped?”  To which Josh replied, “It was me!!!!!”  Although he didn’t ask John Rocker not to be mad, oddly enough, but then started going on and on about not having time to tell him, which John Rocker seemed to buy because he’s a dummy.  Then Josh bragged again about spotting John and Val leave to go talk to each other which made him suspicious.  The two of them seemed to hash things out and solidify that there is a strong “boy” alliance.  Josh says in the confessional that the two girls may be the next to go.  I can hear this conversation happening later, “Don’t be mad, Baylor!  We have an all boy alliance but don’t be mad!  Our alliance is stronger than ever!”

One final thing about Josh, all his “I had a reason for voting for you” and “I didn’t have time to tell you I was flipping” made me think he was starting to take a tone like “Let’s not bicker and argue about who voted for who.  This is supposed to be a happy occasion” like in this Monty Python bit.  “Please!  Please!  Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who!”

Florida Drew talks a big game but then starts napping like a mofo.

Florida Drew starts talking about how the roof of the shelter is in tough shape and when a tropical storm hits, everyone is going to be in trouble.  Then people somehow get motivated to start weaving a new leaf roof.  He starts to help but is useless and the next scene shows him napping.   Louisiana Dad Keith says that if his son was a layabout like that, he’d open up a can of whoop ass.  He then said we still spank in the South.  For one, sadly, yes, we know that already from Adrian Peterson and two, guess what, we spank here in the North, too, bro. Twinnie then starts f’ing with Florida Drew to the delight of the tribe.  I for one do not like being f’d with while I’m sleeping so I’m surprised that he didn’t wake up like the Incredible Hulk but to make matters worse, she starts nagging that he’s not contributing.  Normally, I would side with Twinnie.  Actually, who am I kidding, I could never side with Twinnie.  On anything.  I don’t like when people don’t pull their own weight but no one should have to wake up to Twinnie nagging at them.  Twinnie goes on to say, ”  don’t know how someone could be that self-centered, that oblivious to what’s going on!”  When Twinnie whose every other word is “Twinnie!” says that you have no self-awareness, then perhaps Florida Drew, you may in fact be a complete dipshit.   Later Jeremy says that he had plans to take Drew far but it looks like he can’t because he’s from Florida an idiot.

Reward Challenge!

The tribes get together for the reward challenge and Jeremy’s Waqina Feenix tribe gets its first look at the Milakunis tribe.  Jeremy sees that Val is gone and is obviously pissed off but says whatever.  John Rocker is immediately apologetic and admits to looking out for Val which seemed to be a surprise to most of his tribe.  Florida Alec looked dumbfounded which is his usual look anyway.  It was not a shock to Spiderman Josh because he had his suspicions as we were told countless times.  What was a shock was John would admit in front of everyone.  I’m starting to like Spiderman Josh as you can tell he has an appreciation for the game and knows what he’s doing, except for the whole I voted for you, don’t be mad thing.

Anyway, Jeremy looked mad.  See?

I would be mad if someone told me they’d look out for my wife on Survivor and then my wife got immediately voted out.  But to be honest, I would never go on Survivor with my wife.  You know why?  Because I don’t want America to know that I’m afraid of my wife think it puts unnecessary stress on a marriage.  So Survivor Casting Directors, if you’re reading this, don’t bother calling me for Blood versus Water 3.  But Fans versus Favorites, hit me up bro!

Louisiana Father versus Son

Just the good old boys.  Never meanin no harm.  Got in trouble with the law ever since the day they were born! 

For reward, father Keith had to battle against his son Wes in some strange balance challenge.  It was a relatively close battle but the son won because he’s not super old.  He seemed to enjoy winning.  This reminded me of when I was little.  I used to play checkers with my father all of the time.  Sometimes he’d let me win but then one day, I realized that he stopped letting me win and that I was better than him.  This made me sad beyond belief because I assumed my father was the greatest at everything.  I immediately tried to sabotage the game and make it so that I lost.  However, it would have been obvious.  Now that I’m a father, I always tell my kids that someday they will be faster, stronger and more intelligent than me and on that day I will be happy. I train them like Morpheus trained Neo in The Matrix to help them get there. “Stop trying to hit me and hit me!” Then last winter, my son taught me how to play Othello and then promptly kicked my ass while constantly advising me to try to think several moves ahead. Needless to say, it was humbling.  Wes didn’t seem particularly sad or happy to beat his father except he was happy that his tribe finally won something.  He picked Spiderman Josh to go with his dad to Exile.

Jax continues his Machiavellian schemes.

Jax Teller continues his scorched-earth campaign against everyone around him.  For the longest time, Jax seemed to struggle to come to grips with the diametrically opposing forces of being a good leader and doing what’s best for the club and then all of a sudden, he said f*ck it and the bodies started piling up.  The viewers are all continued to be left to wonder to what end and also is Tigs the most deviant person to walk the Earth?  Oops, wrong recap, that’s  Sons of Anarchy.

Ridin’ through this world
All alone
God takes your soul
You’re on your own

The crow flies straight
A perfect line
On the devil’s path
Until you die

Love that song, bro.

In case you’re worried that this was some type of spoiler alert, please note that the above blurb can be used to describe any episode of Sons of Anarchy.

The odd couple on Exile

Louisiana Keith and Spiderman Josh had a good old time on Exile and bonded.  They seemed to find it strange that they could get along with someone who’s so different from them.  Well, let me let you all on a little secret, most interpersonal problems don’t stem from the parties being too different but from being too similar!  So anyway, the two had some delicious snails and share the immunity idol clue.

Jeremy wages war against John Rocker.

Taking a cue from Jax above, Jeremy wages his own scorched-earth campaign against John Rocker, letting everyone know who he is and about the racist and homosexual sic things that he has said in the past.  He obviously meant homophobic but he was probably all kinds of worked up about losing his partner in the game, Val.  John Rocker’s wife, whatever her name is,  immediately feels ostracized and goes off to do her own thing for a while.

Baylor angles to get Florida Alec and Louisiana Wes on her side.

She says that she can get Jacqui to join along as well.  They pay her lip service but are unmoved.

Immunity Challenge

Running out of time so I’m going to be less detailed for the rest of this blog.  Dale is reduced to annoying cheer leader.  At one point, John Rocker makes a basket and  Dale yells “Big John!”

The challenge itself was physical and it seems like the teams crashed into each other whenever they could.  It was a close battle but eventually John Rocker’s team narrowly lost.

After the challenge, Twinnie immediately starts mouthing off, “Change it up! Vote off the strongest people! Following a racist!”  John Rocker takes extreme exception to this and says, “If you were a man, I’d knock your teeth out.  Let’s fight!”  Which is an extremely strange thing to yell to a woman at any time but especially on reality tv.  Then Twinnie airs all of John Rocker’s laundry and keeps mouthing off and yells, “I’m not afraid of you bro!  Knock me out!” which reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies, Drowning Mona.  If you haven’t seen, I would netflix that sh*t immediately.  In any case, here is the trailer if you want to watch it, or just skip to 1:52.  What are you gonna do?  Ya gonna freakin hit me?

In any event, the whole thing was a complete sh*t show.  Dale did speak up for John Rocker and said the team supports him.  Even Florida Alec gets in on the act trying to calm down John Rocker and neutralize the situation.

Back at camp, John Rocker meets with everyone and feels pretty confident in his position.  He seems to consider Josh to be his main ally which is why he tells him that he has an immunity necklace.  Since immunity necklaces were introduced, to the consternation of many Survivor Purists, I have always maintained that if you find one of those, you should shut the f up about it.  But I have seen quite a few people reveal it to their advantage in order to shore up an alliance or to protect themselves.  This revelation to Spiderman Josh seemed to me to be an uncalculated move by John Rocker.

The girls angle to get rid of Dale who has been almost useless, even as a cheerleader.  Then I believe Florida Alec and Louisiana Wes decide to start playing the game and start talking about getting rid of John Rocker.

Spiderman Josh starts talking about how he might not want to be aligned with John Rocker based on his character.  This could be the 29 seasons of Survivor I’ve watched talking but in my opinion, that’s exactly who you’d want to be aligned with.

Tribal Council

It seems as though a blind side is in the works against John Rocker but then Jaquie picks probably the worst time in the history of her life to start talking.  She says things like “I don’t know.  It might not be one of the girls who goes home today.  I’m starting to think one of the guys may be going home.”  I have to give her the benefit of the doubt that no one clued her in that Rocker said he had an idol.  But even still, she probably should have just played dumb or at least been quiet.  Words to live by Jacqui:  “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln


Based on everything that has happened this far, Based on the fact that I had heard rumors that John Rocker had an interview and complained that Survivor was the worst experience of his life and based on the fact that Josh felt that he couldn’t trust John Rocker, I’m going to surmise that it is in fact John Rocker that goes home and that is exactly what happened.   On a side note, isn’t there some kind of gag order with people who come back from playing Survivor?  Him complaining about Survivor was a big time spoiler.  Naturally, I knew that John Rocker would never win Survivor but still!  John gets to join a long list of people who have gone home with immunity idols.  Some day, I’ll compile a list but today is not that day.

See you guys next week.  Survivor looks good with Florida Drew talking like he’s running the whole show, meanwhile his entire tribe is snickering behind his back.  Florida Drew versus Twinnie in the battle of the Least Self-aware all-stars?  Who ya got?



Survivor: Blood vs. Water Pre-Cap by Genniside

In TV Addict on September 12, 2013 by Elle Severe


Hey Survivor Fans,
My favorite part of the year is quickly approaching: the end of Big Brother and the beginning of Survivor. For anyone who has been living under a rock, this season of Big Brother has been insane…and not in a good way. I can’t wait for it to be over. The amount of racist and bigoted remarks made over the 24/7 live feeds at the very beginning of the season was unprecedented in Big Brother history and it seemed like these horrible actions wouldn’t catch up to the girls who said them. Fortunately for us – and unfortunately for them – two of the three girls have lost their jobs in the real world due to their ignorant remarks but have yet to leave the BB world and find out about it (the 3rd girl works for her mother’s realtor agency so that’s the only reason she hasn’t lost her job). Aaryon Gries and GinaMarie Zimmerman are in for a world of hurt once they leave the BB house. The one thing that I will say in their defense is that they shouldn’t have been casted for this type of show to begin with (24/7 live feeds type of deal) and everything they will experience outside of the house will be partially CBS’ fault…but I don’t think CBS cares because any publicity is good publicity. I unfortunately predict that next season’s cast will overshadow this season’s in terms of controversy just because of the ratings boosts these racists gave the franchise. Yeah, the viewers watched because they were outraged, but the numbers don’t lie and more people watched this season than in recent years.
Why should you care? Because Big Brother 12 winner Hayden Moss is a contestant on Blood vs. Water!
So the cast list has been released. 10 former survivors, 2 survivor winners, 1 Big Brother winner, and 1 former professional athlete. Here is what you need to know about these players before the premiere.

1.      Gervase Peterson – Gervase was in the first season of Survivor. He was part of the first Pagonging in survivor history (where everyone from one tribe is  systematically eliminated post-merge by the other) and showed up to his final tribal council with a target painted on his back. Even though he and his tribe lost the game, he was a very good player who understood the game in the same way Richard Hatch did. He and his buddy Joel tried to organize an alliance before the merge to counter the Tagi tribe, but his fellow tribe mates were so turned off by the idea that they voted Joel out…and in turn sealed their own fates. He knew the game and was charming enough to worm his way into the final 7. I expect really good things out of him in this season.
  2.      Tina Wesson – Tina won the final vote against Colby in Survivor: The Australian Outback, but  returned  to All-Stars to be the first one voted off (Jerri was on her tribe and was hungry for revenge). Tina  does not get  enough credit for her win because people couldn’t fathom how she could be better than Colby.  Here is what she did: coming into Survivor 2 the fans were really disappointed that Richard, the villain, won  the previous  season. Tina was one of these people. She showed up on day 1 and immediately started this  dialogue about  how the “good people” need to win and the “deserving” need to stay together. Now, of  course this is BS, but  her fellow tribe mates ATE IT UP! Especially Colby. She was also very strategic and  was always digging for  valuable information. Back then, ties were broken by past votes, so during the  episode 2 reward challenge Tina  made small talk with Kimmi from Kucha (Tina was Ogakor) and casually  brought up who got the 1 other  vote  last night at tribal. Kimmi’s loose lips ended up costing the ENTIRE  KUCHA TRIBE the game. When Mike fell into the fire, the tribes merged 5-  5 and  they broke the tie by voting  for the person Kimmi named 20 days earlier. I do not think Tina can win the game again with a “good people  should  win” strategy because the game has transcended that paradigm years ago, but she clearly has game  and I expect some good stuff from her.
3.      Rupert Boneham – Rupert has a very good track record of going far in this game by relying on his fishing and survival skills to support his tribe. In Pearl Islands, he had no game. In All-stars he had no game. But then Heroes vs. Villains happened and out of nowhere, he had game! He got his rival Candice booted by faking a hidden immunity idol! His social skills really suck but he does learn new tricks. He is also a huge Sandra fan and has voted for her to win the game both times she’s played. I like him for that, but I will be very surprised to see him win the game. I do not think that he will make final 3 let alone final 5.
4.      Aras Baskablahblahblah – Aras is the yoga instructor from Survivor: Exile Island. He won the final two against  Danielle DiLorenzo. Aras’ game is to be nice to everyone and play up his physical abilities. It isn’t multi-dimensional. Because of this, people thought he was an undeserving winner. I don’t agree or disagree. It just is  what  it is. His main ally in Exile Island was Cirie Fields, “the mom from the couch”.  She did the strategizing for  him and  he won the tribal immunities for her. They were a dynamic duo and I don’t think Aras stands a chance of  making it  to the end without another “Cirie” by his side. Not just an ally, but a strategic mastermind and social player lynchpin  in the tribe’s dynamics…I don’t know if anyone out there will want to be that for him. He is naive and gullible and will be taken advantage of in this game.
5.      Candice Woodcock – Okay. Candice sucks. I’m not gonna lie about it. Candice participated in the Cook Islands season of Survivor. Once described as “the most racist season of Survivor ever” when tribes were created and divided along racial lines. She was the one to mutiny with Jonathon Penner and rejoin the white people on the Rotu Tribe. Because she did this, her old tribe Aitu got a fire lit under their ass and won every challenge afterwards. They trusted her so much, and believed in her, that her betrayal was enough motivation for the Aitu 4 to become the Final 4. What this shows is that even though Candice is an opportunist to the 10th degree she can also build solid, real and genuine relationships with the other castaways, which is key in this game. In survivor Heroes vs. Villains she wasn’t able to build relationships with her co-contestants. They just saw her as flat and wedged between two opposing alliances. Unless she can forge actual relationships again, I don’t think she will go very far. According to a pre-show interview with Colton Cumbie, Candice has been an ice queen during casting, not smiling at the oher castaways or saying hi…looks like she’s closed off just like in season 20.
 6.      Tyson Apostle – Tyson is the professional cyclist from Utah and is the un-Mormon-like Mormon. He gets naked. He makes fun of people behind their  backs AND to their face. And he likes to see people cry. The problem with Tyson is that he isn’t very good at the strategic part of the game. He has the  social, political and athletic parts down, but he doesn’t seem to get how the social and political aspects mesh together and how his position in the game  relates to it. In Tocantins, Tyson lost because he was cocky. In season 20 he lost because he didn’t understand the numbers aspect the way Russell and  Parvati and Boston Rob did. I don’t know how he will fair this time around because some people just aren’t cut out to be that strategic in a quantitative way. I  personally would love to see him make final 5 because I love his confessionals and want to hear from him in every episode. He is a comedian at heart and I  love that in my survivor contestants (my faves are Sandra, Boston Rob, Cirie, Courtney in China, Fabio and Corinne because they’re all comedians).
 7.      Laura Morett – Laura was known for being the Queen Bee of Galu in Survivor Samoa. She had the game in her hand when the merge happened and watched it slip away due to Russell’s idols and her own alliance’s dysfunction. She was rivals with Shambo and got the short-end of the stick in the editing because of it. Shambo was known for being delusional, stupid and annoying, and she blamed Laura for characterizing her as such…no Shambo! Laura was  just stating the obvious. You are ALL of those things.  Even though I am defending Laura, I AM NOT A FAN! She came off as an entitled, elitist bully. She hid behind religion a lot, and I despise players that use the bible to bond alliance members. Its taking everything too far and it always leads to people characterizing each other as good and their rivals as evil, when in reality they’re all evil. All 20 contestants. Let’s not fool ourselves here. I think she will do well in the game because she is very strong emotionally and Galu relied on her strength for leadership.
 8.      Monica Culpepper – Monica was the hot mom in Survivor One World. She is married to a retired football player who used to play for the Buccaneers, Brad Culpepper. The story goes that Brad applied for and was cast for Survivor One World but couldn’t make it or something, so they cast his wife. She started the game outside of the 5-girl Salani alliance (Kim, Chelsea, Sabrina, Kat and Alicia) but according to post-game interviews, she wiggled her way into the final 4 of that alliance, replacing Kat and Alicia. During the tribe swap, Colton took her out because of this.
9.      Colton Cumbie – Colton was one of those characters on TV that was hard to watch. The things  he said made me cringe (“I’m a republican so I don’t believe in handouts”…didn’t Sabrina just “hand  out” that hidden immunity idol to you?). According to Monica, Colton was very different during camp life in front of people’s faces. She had no idea how vile his thoughts were until watching the show. Colton was the (child) dictator of the Monano tribe and used his hidden immunity idol as  leverage for everything. He didn’t work around camp. He didn’t perform well in challenges. And he gave away tribal immunity in order to immediately vote off a personal threat – a move that cost all of the men the game. But he was an amazing strategist. He apparently wanted to go to the end with Kim (the eventual winner) and felt threatened by Monica’s position in the game. He took her out because he wanted Kim to have one less ally to work with in order to force Kim to work with him. It didn’t work and karma eventually caught up to him in the form of appendicitis. Because people have now seen his private confessionals and know how he works, HE WILL NOT MAKE THE MERGE. He may be an easy win for virtually anyone in the finals, but he is too aggressive and untrustworthy for the others to allow him to get there.
 10.    Kat Edorsson (sp?) – Kat was a hybrid tomboy/dumb blond, and she was really endearing to watch.  The problem with Kat is that she has no political or strategic game. And even her social game isn’t that great. She is a good physical competitor. I can see her being on the outside  of many alliances, but who knows. We never really got to see much of her strategy. Only her emotions. Regardless, she should be fun to watch because of how emotional she is about everything. I suspect that they invited her back because she’s dating Big Brother 12 winner, Hayden Moss.
 11.    Hayden Moss – Big Brother is a much tougher social game and Hayden should do well in Survivor,  IF he can stomach the hunger, sleepless nights and insane weather conditions that Big Brother contestants are immune  from. Hayden’s game in Big Brother was to reach out to the outsiders and bottom feeders to give them  hope that  the game wasn’t over for them…when in actuality he was the lynchpin in a 4-person secret  alliance and everyone else’s fates were sealed. He’s a nice guy,  and in these types of games that  can get you very far. He is also a college athlete that just missed out on going pro, so he’s a challenge  threat. Because the tribes  are split former survivors vs. loved ones, he has an automatic leg up on the competition. He’s actually lived the lies, deceit and backstabbing that the loved ones  have only  witnessed on TV.
 12.   Bradley Culpepper – We’ve had a handful of professional athletes on survivor: Grant from Redemption Island, Jeff from Philippines and Steve from Redemption Island. They  all focus on the honor and integrity part of the game and aren’t really up for the deceitful aspects that a winning game requires. BUT, since retiring, Brad  earned his JD and is  now a lawyer, and lawyers can do very well on survivor. We’ve seen Yul Kwon and John Cochran both win and players like Andrew Savage and Deena Bennett take the game by the horns. I predict that he will either lead the loved ones tribe to some victories and they’ll all obsess over him, or he will fall on his  sword for his wife, or maybe even sacrifice his game for a close ally. He’s basically Andrew Savage 2.0 in my prediction. Win big or go home.
   Let the Games Begin.

Survivor Finale Recap

In TV Addict, Uncategorized on May 13, 2013 by Pabby MFNP




I think this song applies to us.  How exactly are we supposed to say goodbye to this season of Survivor?   The good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad, for sure.  On a side note, I always thought the song went, “The good times that made us laugh are waving bye.”  I think it was better that way.  In any event, here is one last episode and one last recap.

It’s so hard to say goodbye to Soggy Mop.

The episode starts with a recap of the season and we see Brandon lose his sh*t again.  Then the episode goes right into the Tribal Council aftermath, just after the remaining people go back to camp.  By the way, I’m not exactly sure when they started doing this but this is a great way to start the episode.  Anyway, it cuts to  Soggy Mop Erik lying down and complaining of dizziness.   The promos had warned that someone else would be medi-vac’d out of the game so it was no surprise that doctor pulled the plug on Eric.  What was surprising was that Dumb Dumb was the one to explain the medical procedure to Soggy Mop.  Dumb Dumb is an EMT, I guess?  Scary!   Could you imagine being in a medical emergency and then Dumb Dumb pulls up with his lisp and is all like, “Firtht of all, you’re in good handths.  Tho what ith the problem?”.  But I was also was surprised that I felt sad that Soggy Mop had to leave because he had little to no impact on this game except to be the personification of a Soggy Wet Mop.  I also felt weird about everyone coming up and giving heartfelt goodbyes to Soggy Mop because I know on the inside they were probably all giddy that their trip to a chance for $1 million just got a little easier.   Next, I hate to blame the victim here but just what in the f*ck is someone built like a mop handle doing playing a game like Survivor where you are starved for 39 days.  Guess what, asshole?  You’re not going to make it.  If you’re not carrying an extra 5 lbs at least, your body is going to revolt and you’re going to end up lying face up at the floor where someone like Cochran looks down at you and is calling you a p*ssy in his mind.  Or if you are going to sign up, keep looking for other food sources.  They didn’t give the players fishing supplies this year which is just f’d up but Soggy should have been scouring like crazy looking for food.  If I were in his shoes, I’d be digging up and eating worms.  They are a good source of protein, I’m told.  People would be like, “Hey, where’s Pabby?”,  “Oh, he’s digging up some worms.  Oh wait, I’m wrong.  He’s over there frying up some worms.”  “That motherf’er really loves worms.”  “Right?!”,  “He’s got issues but at least he doesn’t say “Right?!” I f*cking hate that.”

Ok, Cochran is truly a Challenge Monster.

So Cochran wins yet another challenge.  This one for a reward that will help in the final immunity challenge.  I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around Cochran being a physically dominating player and it has been very difficult.  I just don’t see it.  When I look at Cochran, I start to feel good about myself but somehow he has killed it this season.  Dumb Dumb Eddie should have beaten him soundly in some of these challenges. Maybe Dumb Dumb is just all talk about being a competitor?

Random comments about the contestants who are gone.

So they did the survivor custom where they talk about each contestant who has left the game one by one and it’s usually something of a waste of time but some of it was enjoyable to me.

Franchesca aka Franchescwa.  Franchesca was the first person voted out and I was reminded about how bad I felt that she was voted out twice overall on both seasons that she was on.  That’s just f’d up!  She made a funny joke about having to accept that she’ll never realize her Survivor potential.

Brandon.  The way Cochran makes me feel good looking and athletic is the way that Brandon makes me feel sane and grounded.  They again showed the scenes where he starts dumping out the tribe’s rice like a gd lunatic.  But what is scarier is that in the voiceover, Brandon is unapologetic, even stating at one point “I made it rain rice” and “At least I was the author of my own fate in my exit on Survivor.”  Congratulations, asshole!  Pretty much everyone who is voted off on Survivor, in one way or the other, was the author of their own fate.  It’s like if I were to go home, trash my own house and then when I’m walking out the door carrying my two suitcases, I started yelling, “I AM THE AUTHOR OF MY OWN FATE!  I AM!”.  Then my wife is all like, “Yes, 911, are you still there?  Yes, he’s still going on an on about being the author of his own fate.  No, I don’t think he’s dangerous.  Just a complete nutjob.”

Dawn calls everyone a Challenge Monster.  

Dawn calls Malcolm a Challenge Monster which is not really true.  I think he won about one immunity challenge if that many.  I can see how he might have the image of being one because he looks capable of being a challenge monster.  But then Dawn calls a few other people challenge monsters.  Listen, Dawn!  Not everyone can be challenge monsters!  There’s only one Challenge Monster this season.  His name is Cochran.

Final Immunity Challenge.

I prefer my final immunity challenge to be long drawn out, a ‘see how long you can keep yourself up on a tiny log while your soul cries out’ type of challenge, but this final immunity challenge was a doozy.  Everyone had to run up some steps, untie a bag and then go down this waterslide that unceremoniously dumps you both on your face and simultaneously into sawdust.  Once you have all of the bags, you have to open them and solve a big puzzle.  Cochran’s advantage was that he didn’t have to untie the bags; they were already untied giving him a huge time advantage. He was done way before everyone else, which is why it was quite shocking that Dawn was able to overtake him later on.  Dawn had a few pieces before Cochran even had one.  If she won, then it all might have had a different ending for her.  (Maybe or maybe not.)  But Cochran was able to get past his brain freeze and win the final immunity, thus cementing his role as “Challenge Monster.”

Dumb Dumb has a moment of clarity.

They get back to camp and Dumb Dumb pitches his case to Cochran to take him to the final.  He seems to have a moment of clarity where he says something like, “You don’t have to worry about me.  I’m an idiot.”  Maybe Dumb Dumb is not as dumb as we think.  He is self-aware at the very least, because he’s right, he is an idiot.

Dawn continues her death by crying terror campaign.

Throughout the episode and throughout the season, Dawn has been pretty much cried the whole time and when she wasn’t crying, she was burdening everyone around her with her paranoia.  When Cochran won the challenge, she immediately went over and hugged him too hard in my opinion.  Then afterwards, she bombarded him with  “Are you still locked in” questions.  At one point, Cochran made a comment that Dawn was not going to be automatically gift wrapped final 3 which made for some drama.  For him not to take Dawn to the final 3 would have probably caused her body to turn into a tidal wave of tears that would have soaked everyone within a 50 foot radius.

A final tribal council.

We go to the final tribal council and my mind is spinning try to figure out who Cochran should take and who will he take.  On the one hand, he and Dawn have had this whole “started at the bottom now we here, started at the bottom now the whole crew here” thing going on.  On the other hand, perhaps Eddie might in fact be easier to beat because he didn’t do jack shit all game but he may have friends on the jury.  It was a foregone conclusion that he would definitely take Sherri.  It has been clear to the audience that Sherri is just a seat filler on the show but it soon becomes clear that everyone feels the same way. Except Sherri.

Cochran chooses to keep Dawn and Dumb Dumb is ousted.

Final 3 feast.

I always enjoy the final 3 feast.  Except this time, Dawn was there and I’m still mad at her for all the many hours of tears.

Final Tribal council. 

Dawn has a surprisingly good opening statement but Cochran’s is much better.  Poor Sherri is the new Dumb Dumb and she rambles on about how outside of the game she’s a fast food franchise owner and has about 70 employees.  She continues on in this vein, stumbling a few times because she’s very nervous.  She should be because when she says that she played the game like it was her business and that all the players were her employees or some sh*t, the jury all visibly shake their heads and laugh at her.  Even Soggy Mop, who didn’t do a single thing of consequence was shaking his head in a “don’t piss on us and tell us it’s raining” gesture.  Some notes:

  • Andrea harbored no ill will towards anyone.  She admired her alliances blind-side.  I’d rather see a little passion and anger in this case but damn did Andrea clean up nicely!
  • Malcolm seemed to be pulling for Dawn and asked her to own her decisions.
  •  The Specialist unceremoniously cut Sherri from Stealth R Us.  “Tenacity” is no more.  I wonder why she was cut but I guess we’ll always have to wonder because this is never addressed because nobody really pretends to care about Sherri.
  • Did anyone else feel awkward during the Sherri and Soggy Mop confrontation? In this situation Soggy had the upper hand and yet when Sherri insisted that he just sit down now, he did. Eric needs to work on his assertiveness issues.

Weird confrontation with Brenda that culminates with a shocking reveal.

So Brenda is still justifiably sore at Dawn for appearing to be so close to her yet betraying her.  She asks Dawn if she would have really left the game if she didn’t find her teeth.  Dawn says that she really wouldn’t have left.  Armed with this information, Brenda challenges her to take her teeth out and prove to everyone that she should have stayed.  At first Dawn deflects,  but Brenda is tenacious.  Perhaps Brenda’s SR Us name should have been Tenacity and not Sherri.  But then Dawn agrees and we see this:

It feels wrong to post this but I’m comfortable with it because I’m not exactly getting any modeling work lately.

Oh Dawn.  Poor Dawn.  My teeth are a hot mess, crooked as fuck but this is not a good look.  I don’t blame you for freaking out about them at the pond now.  Also, I don’t think you should have take them out, Brenda wasn’t going to vote for you no matter what New Dawn, so your teeth should have stayed in your mouth. Brenda goes on to say that her heart was broken and she wanted Dawn to feel like she did.  Well, mission accomplished, I think.  Damn!!!

The rest of tribal consisted of Dawn-bashing and Sherri being delusional into thinking she was a factor in the game.  Cochran did all of the same moves as Dawn, but received almost none of the lambasting  and as it would turn out, he would receive all of the votes.

Live reunion.

Sherri looked decent and Cochran did that nerd fashion thing that is all the rage these days.  It’s fitting because he is a nerd through and through.  Poor Dawn looked like she spent the last few months eating her feelings like I do after a bad week or after a weekend with my kids.  When it was revealed that Cochran was the winner, it was a surprise to no one.  What was surprising that he got all of the votes.  Poor Dawn cried herself out of contention but I’ll be damned, she should have gotten at least one vote for showing her teeth like that.  People can be heartless.  But it was clear without a shadow of a doubt that Cochran played a masterful game.  He always wanted to win and he wanted to be known as one of the best.  Well he got both.  Probst asked him what was different between his first season and this one and why he was successful and he said that he has learned to accept himself and all of his inadequacies and awkwardness and not let it be a hindrance.  So I  guess we can all learn something from Cochran.  Accept yourself as you are or something.   Anyway, congratulations to Cochran.  He really played a flawless game.  I will consider listing him in my top 5 bumping out Malcolm.

Brenda forgives Dawn.

Brenda didn’t make it to the reunion.  Instead she was on satellite and I thought she looked more beautiful than ever, plus she had a gorgeous kitchen.  After some back and forth, she agreed to consider forgiving Dawn which must have been a big relief to Dawn.  Also, it was revealed that Brenda was pregnant, very pregnant. As in, damn, you must have gotten home from Survivor and gotten pregnant that night. Going back to the kitchen, it was so nice that perhaps Brenda didn’t need the million.

Boston Rob Rules.

Probst cut to Boston Rob in the audience who said that Phillip played a great game using his Boston Rob rules.  He wasn’t able to fully execute them (but that was hardly the Specialist’s fault).  But opportunistic Boston Rob told everyone about his new book, “Boston Rob Rules:  A Guide to Life.”  I can tell you without a doubt that I will be buying this book and will go to any local book signing. My friend Elle regularly quotes BR so I’m sure she’s in too.

Malcolm wins the $100K Player of the Season award!

I had hoped against hope that Malcolm would win the $100K Player of the Season award and he did.  But he did it at the expense of poor Brenda by only about 1% of the votes.  Poor Brenda can’t seem to catch a break.  At least she has that nice kitchen.  Bye Brenda.  Love you, girl!

Next season on!  Survivor!

Without going into the blood in the water weird imagery, I will say that next season is called “Blood vs. Water”, which probably means some family is involved.  If it is about one team having Russell and the other one having Brandon, I will be extremely skeptical and will feel really weird about it.  It would probably be as Susan Hawk said on the first season, “So let it be as nature intended for the snake (Russell) to eat the raaaaat (Brandon).”    However, you can rest assured that I will be watching it.  Survivor is one of the best shows on television and while the contestants and some of the rules may change, that will not.  To my two fans out there, thanks for reading.




Survivor Recap: Don’t Say Anything About My Mom.

In TV Addict on May 9, 2013 by Pabby MFNP

I cannot f’ing believe what I just saw. 

I have seen a lot of cold hearted shit in my many years of watching Survivor but I can’t believe what I just saw.  I’m still kind of in shock and slightly depressed.  Brenda, your time was not up and you got screwed over big time.  But before I get to that, a recap:

Soggy Mop Eric gets a lot of airtime:

1)  Soggy Mop wakes up and wrings himself out.  Eric wakes up and lifts his Soggy Mop of a head and then actually shakes it out like when you’re trying to shake out the excess water from a mop after you wring it out.
2) Soggy Mop feels imprisoned in a beautiful prison.  Soggy laments how he feels like he’s doing hard time.  There’s nothing to do and he feels trapped.  Nothing to do?  Really?  On a beautiful, amazing tropical island?  Get a life, Soggy Mop!
3)  “The Coconuts, they laugh at me!”  Soggy Mop begins to feel mocked by the coconuts in the tall coconut tree.  In my mind, I envision that Soggy Mop is so hungry that he’s starting to see people as if they are hot dogs and hamburgers like in the cartoons.  Except when he sees the coconuts, they are actually still coconuts but looking down on him and laughing their little heads off.  Soggy gives himself a pep talk and says if he climbs slowly, he can make it.  Motherly Dawn advises him that it’s too high but the next time someone takes their parent’s advice, it will probably be the first.  Thus, Soggy Mop starts the long slow climb.  He gets high and in the voice over, he’s talking about how he could fall and break his leg and be done with the game.  He gets to a very high point on the tree when he unexpectedly yells, “I just want food!!!!!”  and this echoes around the island.  He doesn’t actually get any coconuts which is in keeping with how he’s played this game:  He has talked a lot but has not actually accomplished anything.

Dumb Dumb Eddie continues to set the male species back.

Whenever Dumb Dumb speaks, you can be sure he will say something that will make you cringe with embarrassment.  Today was no different when he says, “all the girls I try to hook up with keep getting voted off.”  WTF does that have to do with anything?  I wish someone would have told Eddie that he’s playing a game to win a million bucks because it doesn’t seem like he really knows.  Have you ever had a dumb person say something to you and you just look at them because you can’t tell if they are joking or not?  That’s how it is everyday with Eddie.  Also, before you think I’m being too mean or judgemental, I have to admit that I often get double takes after I speak as well.  There’s nothing to see here.  Let’s move it along.

Sprint Mail!

Tree mail brings a Sprint phone and you know what that means.  No, not dropped calls!  Video messages from loved ones who are on the island.  Dawn immediately and annoyingly starts crying.  Oh boy, here we go again with Dawn and the tears.  So much for Dawn of a new age.  Anyway, some random notes from the video message and the reunions:

Cochran’s Mom:  Hope you used a lot of sunscreen!

Soggy Mop feels rejuvenated just from seeing his much cooler brother.

Brenda is reunited with her father and starts crying and starts to look just like a little girl which was very confusing to me, considering our “history.”  Also, Brenda’s sobbing with her dad made my very uncomfortable.  The whole “humble” thing was cringey and, of course, a major foreshadowing.

Sherry’s husband’s name is Jerry.  So they are Sherry and Jerry.  OMG.  Plus, he’s much younger so Sherry is something of a cougar franchisee.  Good for her but I can’t get past this Jerry/ Sherry business.  I was lucky that there were no name conflicts with my wife but if my name is Pabby and someone considering me for marriage was named Tabby, I’d have to believe that she would shy away from being known as Pabby and Tabby.  I realize that Tabby is pronounced differently but you know what I mean.

Cochran and his mother have a sad reunion and he tells her, “Sorry, I smell.”

Of course, Dawn has the tearful reunion to end all tearful reunions.  When Dawn ran to her husband and stopped short, it was super f’ing weird.

A couple of notes from the challenge.

Dumb Dumb’s Dad laments that Eddie should have brought his brother Mike to the challenge and they fall behind pretty quickly.  So does Cochran and his mother.  Both pairs seem to be content speaking to each other and just enjoying the time together rather than try to hustle and win.

Brenda and her dad are hustling from the get go.  Then Brenda’s dad fell which must have made America collectively giggle.  But then they win.  Of course, Brenda is given a choice of bringing someone else on the reward to spend time with their family.  Dawn is blubbering on the side which would be a common theme for the next 20 minutes or so.  Brenda chooses to bring Dawn for “many, many reasons.”  This causes the waterworks to flow even more.  Then Jeff presents a “but wait, there’s more” situation.  He then announces that for the first time in Survivor history, the winner of this challenge can spend time with a second loved one who has been brought along as well.  Dawn can also spend time with her second loved one OR all four of the other contestants can spend time with both of their loved ones!  Brenda gleefully announces the situation to the other contestants, probably not realizing right away that it’s an either/ or situation.   Dawn must be some kind of hysterically crying fortune teller because she started wailing like she was at a funeral, perhaps already knowing that she was screwed.

I’m one of the world’s biggest Survivor fans to ever walk the earth.  I will defend it to the very end.  It is unlike any other show that you will watch because there are always some slight changes to keep things fresh and exciting.  This, however, was a cruel and unusual punishment type of change.  Brenda had chosen Dawn to take the reward because the kind of bond that people can only have if one helps find the other one’s missing teeth in a disgusting pond.  Also, they’ve supported each other through tears and more tears and even more tears.  So now Brenda was tasked with deciding between two awful choices.  Sacrificing time spent with her dad while also screwing over Dawn, her most trusted friend and ally and screwing over 4 other people who might have a say on whether she wins a million dollars or not.  Also, another thing to consider is whether it will even help her to sacrifice herself and Dawn for the other 4.  No good deed goes unpunished and all.  This is really too much to saddle poor little Brenda with.  She chooses to help the other 4 and Dawn is inconsolable.

I have found that whenever someone sacrifices something for someone else on Survivor, they are rarely rewarded for it.  Worse, they usually end up feeling a lot of regret almost immediately.  This must have been the case as the reward area where the 4 contestants were with their two loved ones was not very far from camp and very visible to poor Brenda and poor Dawn which led to this:

Soggy Mop inexplicably makes a big heart with his long broom handle arms to Brenda and Dawn.

Soggy Mop’s “heart’ was probably in the right place but when he made that big heart with his tall lanky arms and “sent” love to Brenda and Dawn, he might as well have been thumbing his ears and sticking out his tongue in a neener neener fashion.  It must have looked like a big f you to Brenda and Dawn.  Also, it must have felt like a dagger when someone yelled, “We love you!!!!”  Then everybody waved and yelled, probably with their mouths full of burgers.   I give Brenda and Dawn a lot of credit because if I were in their shoes, I would have swam out to the bbq area and Jackie Chan’d the shit out of that whole group into the water.

Dawn then sinks deeper into full blown on-screen depression.

Poor Dawn starts frothing at the mouth talking about how she’s so mad and so hungry that she just wants to spit.  Brenda tries to give her a pep talk but I’m sure they are wasted on Dawn.  Dawn has hit rock bottom and the best thing that Brenda can do is shut the f up.  Probably the last thing that Dawn wants is a pep talk.

Other notes from the bbq:

Cochran’s dad wears dark sunglasses and mans the grill like it’s a common occurrence but Cochran outs him with a “We grill now?” comment.  Also, Cochran’s parents also refer to him as “Cochran.”  On a side note, the father probably should have left the grilling to Eddie’s father who has the look of a man who knows his way around a bbq grill.  I know because I have the same look. 

Soggy Mops brother eats hot dogs three at a time.  All of the contestants are probably starving to death but in saunters Soggy Mop’s brother and grabs three hot dogs at a time.  I might be nit-picky here but I think he should have waited until all the contestants have eaten their fill.

The people come back and they all seem to be carrying something.

I’m hoping against hope that one of these f*cks brought back some food back for the other two.  They are walking through the water and they all seem to be holding something.  But as they get closer, you can see that they are just carrying some of their clothes that they want to stay dry.  Ugh, I feel sick inside.

The Challenge.

The challenge is your standard “hold a rope behind yourself and hold yourself up as you are slowly lowered into the water” challenge.  This is where we find who really wants it and what people are made of.  Or do we?  Soggy Mop asks Jeff if he’ll offer food if he drops out.  Jeff almost disgustedly tells him no.  Cochran is the first out!  Even after Dumb Dumb told him early on in the episode that the group might target him, he still let go.  Then Eddie falls in next.  Weak!  Here is someone who knows he is going to be voted out right away and has eveything to lose.  Also, he has always spoken of himself as being a physical threat.  We’re not seeing it, Dumb Dumb.  We’re not seeing it.  Next goes Soggy.  Then goes Sherry Lizardface Wallflower.  Which leaves just Brenda and Dawn.  Dawn immediately entreats Brenda to let her “have it” as she’s never won an immunity.  Brenda is a competitor and says she will not back down.  There is an awkward exchange between the two of them and Jeff.  Then it starts to look like both sides will dig in their trenches and settle in and I’m ready to bet 2 million dollars that I don’t have on Brenda winning.  But then Brenda falls off and Dawn wins immunity!  I’m happy for Dawn but also very disappointed in Brenda.  At some point she is in a confessional and says that she could have hung in there a little longer but she was ok with Dawn winning.  This goes to back to another point that I made in another recap:  If you can hang on for one more minute, one more second, you owe it to yourself to give it everything you have.  If Survivor and life has taught us anything, it’s that you have to dig deep to get the things you want.  Sadly, it has also taught us that no one is ever safe.  Brenda says she could have hung on there longer.  I believe her and not hanging on was her undoing.  She didn’t hang in there all the way to keep herself safe but kept herself in long enough for everyone to realize that she’d be quite a physical threat down the line.

Back at camp…

When people return to camp, everyone seems satisfied to vote out Eddie as originally planned.  However, Cochran starts scheming to blindside Brenda who poses a major threat.  He starts with Sherry of Sherry and Jerry fame.  She quickly tries to take ownership of this idea as if it were hers somehow.  Lest we forget, she’s running this game.  Oh wait, I thought that was Soggy Mop?  It’s so hard to tell who is running the game this week because no one outright comes out and tells us they are running it.  Anyway, then Cochran petitions Dawn who pretends to put up a fight but she has decided long ago that she was not going to be more in control than she was last time she played.  Oh wait, perhaps it is Dawn who is actually in control.

Tribal Council.

Eddie talks about how he’s going home and how he had the best time.  What’s up with these people who are ok with going on Survivor and when their time is up, they just go with it and talk about what a great experience it was?  You have to fight tooth and nail until the very end.  Otherwise, you are taking the spot of someone who will!  God!  So selfish.

For whom the bell tolls:

Poor beautiful Brenda is voted off and she immediately sobs uncontrollably.  She then tells the group that she was sincere and honest this whole time.  Also, that she’s really hurt.  She proceeds to cry the entire distance of the departure walkway.  When she gets to the confessional, she blubbers for a full 4 seconds then goes on about how she was honest with everyone the whole time and that she’s very hurt.  This confessional makes my soul hurt.  Cochran and Dawn’s decision to turn on Brenda doesn’t sit well with me.  But I can’t sit here and say that you have to scratch and claw for every inch and then lambast Cochran and Dawn for this decision.  It was a good strategic move.  In a final 3 situation, Brenda would be formidable.  She pissed off no one and fought when she had to.  But Brenda leaving now, like this will leave a mark on everyone involved.  Cochran and Dawn may very well win 1 million dollars but as it says in the good book and also on an episode of that fine TNT drama, The Closer, “What does it profit a man for him to gain the whole world but lose his soul?”

Upon further review.

I was still feeling a little blue about yesterday’s episode when I woke up this morning.  My commute in to work can only be described as a trafficy armageddon mixed with tears as I  frantically searched through radio stations until I could find that Pink duet that may or may not have been written by my wife.  I still fully support Cochran and Dawn of the Dead and logically, I know that their move is genius and almost had to be done.  What sticks in my craw is the timing of it all.  Brenda had only just recently sacrificed her time with her loved ones so that four others could benefit.  As we all start living our Cats in the Cradle lives, you know how precious time with your family is.  Also, in the weeks leading up to this, Dawn and Brenda have been each other’s support system.  Logically, it made the most sense to get rid of Brenda now since she could very well dominate the last two challenges.  But Eddie is also a threat, I think.  Brenda should have been given the courtesy making it through one more round and Eddie should have been voted off.  My friend Davey Boy pointed out to me that Eddie has many friends on the jury and could be a factor.  Shouldn’t he have been feared as well?

Oh well, my second guessing is done.  I now fully support Dawn and Cochran.  Dawn has 6 kids and anyone with kids knows how gd expensive they are.  She practically needs to win a million dollars just to keep up with every day expenses and in case a few of them decide to play hockey.  I also don’t begrudge Cochran because he has such an appreciation and respect for the game.  More than anyone else I’ve ever seen.  Being the sole survivor is his highest goal but also he wants to be remembered as one of the greats.  Well, he know has a 1 in 5 chance to do that.   Assuming that neither is injured next week, I assume that Dawn and Cochran will have to try to take each other out which I have to believe will be difficult for them to bring themselves to do, even as cold-blooded as they are.  Could you imagine if they both were taken out and we have a final three consisting of Eddie, Soggy Mop and Mrs. Jerry, Sherry?  If this is the case, I would ask for there to be an option where the million dollars is not awarded.   

Next time on!  Survivor!

We are lead to believe that someone is hurt and has to go home.  Let’s just say that if this were true, it would be f’d up beyond belief.  Is this really true?  Like that old MTV Diary show, you think you know but you have no idea.  See you Sunday for the finale. 




Survivor Recap: Beginning of the End

In TV Addict, Uncategorized on May 2, 2013 by Pabby MFNP

“This is the end.  My beautiful friend.  This is the end.”  -The Doors

 Whenever the end of each Survivor season rolls around, it always too early for me.  I always enjoy pretty much every minute of every episode and that has been the case this season, even if you consider the scenes with Shamar.  But as the title of the episode suggests, the end is near.  Also, it is already less exciting without Malcolm there.  I hate when my favorite players get voted out. 

I wish I were self-confident enough to wear a towel on my head like this. Anyway, good bye, Malcolm. You were no Ozzy but you were a reasonable facsimile.

Eddie speaks and dumb words come out.

Eddie remarks about how he’s still here and I think “Not for long, bro.”  Even if people keep him around, he doesn’t have much of a chance.  He reminds me of Soggy Mop Erik in that way.

Cochran continues to talk a big game.

In previous recaps, I mentioned how much I enjoyed Cochran’s bravado.  But today it seems to have started to wear on me.  When he said something like “I fear that I’m turning into something that would scare my mother,” I started to think that perhaps he’s pushing things a little too far.  I think he might have even said, “Whoever wants immunity has to go through Cochran” but I could have been dreaming.

Soggy Mop main contribution continues to be to make weird comments and to think he’s a player in this game.

When Soggy Mop found out that it would be an immunity challenge right away, he said, “I thought it was reward, maybe.”  Ok, Soggy Mop.  Go wring yourself out and mimick a coconut tree.

People drop out of the immunity challenge even though a million gd dollars are on the line.

Ok, so the immunity challenge consisted of balancing on a triangle type thing in the water while the wind and waves constantly threaten to knock you over and it gets progressively worse.  After a little while, Jeff offers donuts and milk to the first person to voluntarily leave the challenge.  Well, who should volunteer?  But Dumb Dumb Eddie!  WTF, Eddie!  You do realize how much money is on the line, right?  That’s one thing that gets my goat.  When people go on Survivor and don’t give it everything they have.  I understand people become starving but by giving their immediate hunger, they often nullify all of the sacrifices they made prior to that like assholes.  As for Eddie and the donuts, they weren’t even Boston Creme.

Oh baby, you’re worth a million. At least until after I’ve eaten you and you do a figure four leg lock on my intestines. Mmmm so good, though.

But back to Eddie, maybe Eddie is the smartest of them all.  Maybe he wanted everyone to think he was stupid enough to take donuts over a million bucks and he’s going to make a big power move next week?  Just kidding, Eddie’s a moron.  He and Sherry can say adios soon.

Then Cochran quits, too.

I hadn’t gotten over Eddie being a Dumb Dumb when Cochran does the same thing for hot dogs and soda.  He tries to get the blessing of his alliance but they look at him as if to say, “No, you can’t have our blessing, you tall lanky p*ssy!”  Cochran and Eddie would both later explain that they quite because couldn’t hold on for much longer.  Well if that is the case, you hold on until you can’t hold any more and then you fall off.  If you are going to go on Survivor, that is the only way to do it.  At least if you want to have any of my respect.  I don’t think anyone’s playing for that which is good because many of them ain’t getting it. 

Brenda returns to form.

The episode started with a recap and it mostly consisted of Brenda crying followed by other shots of Brenda crying.  So I was glad to see that she got her mojo back this episode and stopped crying and worked on making me fall in love again.  She was off to a good start because the way she was balancing, it looked like she was dancing.

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Survivor Recap: Come Over to the Dark Side

In TV Addict, Uncategorized on April 25, 2013 by Pabby MFNP
I wrote this precap before last night’s episode to honor those that came before.
An Ode to the Specialist.
Last week Phillip “The Specialist” Sheppard was ousted from Survivor by the Three Amigos and Soggy Mop Erik.  It was probably the most shocking and exciting tribal council ever and that is what I focused on last week.  But I think I would be remiss if I didn’t point out how endlessly entertaining Phillip has been this season.
Let’s start with those “I want to rock down to Electric Avenue” shoes.  They are nothing short of magnificent.  Those are the kind of sneakers purchased by a crazy, eccentric person, so it was fitting that Phillip rocked those.
Next, Phillip had the look of someone who was currently living in another dimension and was constantly annoyed by the chattering coming from some of the people in this dimension.  I know because sometimes I see this same look in the mirror when I’m shaving or what have you.
Finally, Phillip constantly putting Boston Rob on a pedestal was hilarious.  Now, I’ve been a fan of the Robfather since 2001 when he first appeared on Survivor.  No one is a bigger fan of him than me.  Other than the Specialist.  He would often say things like, “Ok, when you’re going to bed tonight, picture yourself as Boston Rob because that is what I do.”  I thought I was the only one who did that.  It should be a relief that someone else does that too, but it isn’t.
But my favorite, favorite thing about the Specialist is when you see him talk strategy with someone and afterwards, they each invariably say, “Phillip is completely out of his tits but I just went along with everything he said and made him think he was in charge.”  Isn’t that how every one of us deals with a crazy person?  But Phillip maintains that he’s not crazy.  Also, he wrote a book:  http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20692725,00.html
The Three Amigos.
In the coming weeks the three amigos will in all likelihood be picked off one by one.  However, I have to give credit where it is due.   They made Survivor history by completely turning things upside down at tribal council and giving themselves one more week.  It was a Russel Hantz type move, except without pouring gasoline all over the place and playing with matches with a devilish look on your face. The power alliance had moseyed on up to Tribal Council without a care in the world and one minute in, they all collectively shit a brick.  Then it was captivating to see the mid-tribal council scrambling that was going on.  I don’t know if we’ll ever see a tribal council like that ever again so while they are all still alive, (for now) I give them my thanks for a season to remember.  I’ll always like these three amigos more though:

You shot the Invisible Swordsman!

Maybe, Phillip had some Boston Rob control over people after all.

The next day after Tribal Council, Erik also known has Soggy Mop because he has a long skinny body like a mop handle and because his hair resembles a soggy mop, says the following:  “The legs have been kicked out of the chair of Stealth R Us.  It opens me up to talking to people that Phillip didn’t want me talking to.  I can choose which option is better for Erik.”   Perhaps the Specialist did in fact have some pull over people because it sounds like Soggy Mop allowed Phillip to strong arm him into not talking to the Three Amigos.  But about Erik referring to himself in the third person, if you’re like me, you love it when people talk in the third person.  If you’re really like me, then you really love actually talking in the third person to yourself:  “Pabby doesn’t like all this traffic.  Pabby is getting hungry.  Now Pabby is getting very cranky!”.  Anyway, it appears that Soggy Mop is having some delusions of grandeur that he is actually a player in this game and not a walking, talking soppy wet mop.  However, his delusions of grandeur will pale in comparison to someone else later in this recap.  I’ll give you a hint:  She’s a franchisee.  Side note, have you ever noticed that franchisees never pass up an opportunity to tell you how they are franchisees?  Anyway, Sherry seems like the worst kind of franchisee.  One final comment about Soggy Mop, he looks like a younger, floppy haired version of Andy Dick.

Brenda breaks dawn.

I think it was Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who wrote, “The nearer the Dawn, the darker the night.”  Well in this case, he was right.  Being in such close proximity to Dawn has really done a number on poor Brenda and she was breaking dawn like crazy.  It was sad to see her like that.  I’m used to, and prefer, the good times.  Like that time she was sitting out a challenge and just decided to started to walk back and forth and balance herself on a log in the background like an adorable whimsical fairy.  But, poor Brenda!  If Dawn is more emotionally stable than you are, you have a problem.

An alliance of 6 fears the Three Amigos, an alliance of 3.

Cochran, Brenda, Andrea, Dawn and Sherry all make comments about how the Three Amigos are some kind of force to be reckoned with.  They are on Day 29 so I can understand some paranoia going on but get a hold of yourselves people!

Survivor Auction!

People love auctions but people really love Survivor food auctions.  Both the contestants and the audience were all salivating at the thought of a food auction.  Something interesting always happens and this time was no exception.

Malcolm disappoints.

Malcolm talks a big game about how there might be an opportunity for him to buy something that might help him in the game.  Some clue perhaps.  I was thinking, “Alright, this kid came to play.”   But then he immediately bids $20 on a beer and some nuts.  It didn’t work out that way but that $20 could have been the difference between winning and losing a clue that could get him an idol.  I can’t judge him too much because there’s a very good chance that I would do the same thing.  But I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Sherry Lizardface goes for broke.

Reynold buys a slice of pizza but he could have had a whole pizza had he listed to Cochran’s advice.  Instead, he didn’t, and even went so far as to say, “I don’t trust you, Cochran” , this opened the door for Sherry, the Franchisee, to offer to buy the whole rest of the pizza for $500.  Sherry is quite opportunistic and I don’t fault her for this move at all.  She saw what she wanted and she went for it.  But back to Reynold and the ‘I don’t trust you’ thing, that has to sting to be told you are not trusted by a used car salesman like Reynold.  It seems like Cochran has probably had more than his share of indignities but that has to be up there.

A cruel choice.

After some blubbering from Brenda, Andrea wins an auction and she is asked to make a Sophie’s Choice:  A beautiful spaghetti and meatball dinner with garlic bread, a glass of wine and an implied candlelit dinner with yourself, or a bag of rice and a bag of beans that can be brought back to camp and shared with the tribe.  I think there was some incoherent blubbering from Brenda and Andrea chose the rice and beans.  I would probably have felt compelled to choose the rice and beans, but I love me some spaghetti and meatballs, so unless my mother was going to be flown out to cook that rice and beans, I’m taking the spaghetti and meatballs.  I would tell everyone else on the tribe that they can all suck a bag of dicks.  I realize of course also that I would never win a million dollars.

Poor Brenda chooses poorly.  (Of course)

Poor Brenda was hesitant to bid because uh, she didn’t want to make a bad choice.  Well she bid and won herself some pig brain.  Jeff asked her if she wanted to try it and she didn’t want to compound her mistake so she tried it, only realizing after that she doesn’t eat pork!  Ruh roh!  I guess you eat pork now, Brenda.  Maybe, she can try bacon next.  It’s delicious!  My good friend Marcus said to me, “How am I supposed to stop eating pork?  I’m Puerto Rican!  I eat pork with every single meal.”

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