Elle Severe Presents

Less Snooki & Jwow, More Roger & Jionni

In Elle Severe, The Exchange, TV Addict on August 6, 2012 by Elle Severe

I get a lot of texts from my friend Paul.   We’re big texters.  Some are weird, some are indecipherable, some are jarring, some are sad, some are f*cked up, but mostly they are funny.  Please see below.

July 28, 2012, 9:34pm:

Paul:  This Snooki/Jwow show is giving me the ick tingles something fierce.

Paul:  What’s up with Jwow asking the realtors if they f*ck?

Jenni finds out Snooki is pregnant.

Me:  IDK, tres unnecessare.

Paul:  Poor Jionni doesn’t have the brains God gave him.

Paul:  On a lighter note, is it a little gay if I want to wrestle Roger? Or super gay?

Me:  It’s a little gay. I want to wrestle Roger too.

Roger and his muscles.

Paul:  Teaching a woman how to drive stick is harder than creating the formula for  clean fusion.

Paul:  WTF does Roger do for a living? I want Emily [wife] to stop watching this. I’m feeling real inadequate. I mean, more than usual.

Me:  Yeah, Roger is pretty awesome.

Paul:  Should Snooki and Jionni really be allowed to procreate?

Me:  No. I just feel so bad for that baby. I know stupider people have had babies…at least they (she) has money. That always helps.

Paul: Jionni to Roger: No, I got a fake ID early. I lived.

Cahhhh-lege boy.

Me:  Jionni to Roger: I lived. I went to cahh-lidge.

Paul:  What was the bleeped out handyman story? Did it involve shitting?

Me:  IDK, couldn’t figure it out. I thought maybe 3some? But also, in his defense, they started it. They asked him sex questions. Clearly he went too far, but don’t open a can of worms, you know?

Paul:  The Shore roomies are clearly not crazy about Snooki’s pregnancy. They’re like ‘Snook’s f*ckin’ with my paper’.

Paul:  I feel bad for Snooki and Jwow’s fathers. First, Snooki is preggers and poor Jwow’s Dad, his daughter is getting crushed by that bohunk Roger.

Nice set of…DSL’s…

Paul:  Did anyone ever use the phrase bohunk?

Me:  Only in Sixteen Candles.

Paul: Speaking of DSL’s, Jwow has a nice set of fake ones.

Paul:  Gay Joey: Creamy Italian. That was my nickname in college.

Jwow’s poor Dad.

Paul:  I just had  weird revelation: I think I’m weirder looking than Jwow’s dad. F*CK.

Paul:  Roger getting shot down makes me feel better about being such a non-pussy gettin’ mofo my whole life. I mean, if a GD beast like him is getting shut down, what hope do the rest of us have?

Me:  Maybe it’s because he announced at the party, in front of her dad, that he has a small penis and has had chlamydia 4 times. #justsayin’

Me: Also, how/why does someone get chlamydia 4 f*cking times? He didn’t learn the first 3 times? Wouldn’t you be extra careful if you were banging Jersey chicks? Der.

Wrap it up!

Paul:  I doubt he really has a small penis, but even if he did, I don’t think most women would care. He looks like the incredible hulk.

Paul:  I don’t want to hear Jwow say words like “trimester”.

Me:  That whole show, save for Roger and Jionni, who need their own show, is a mess. That I can’t stop watching, naturally.

To Whom It May Concern: These two need their own show.

Paul: Snooki’s father looks like a poor mans Joe Pantoliano aka Joey Pants.

Me: Agreed.

Joey Pants

Snooki’s poor father.

 

Me:  When he tried to kick Roger and tore his sock I almost peed in my pants.

“Ahh man, these were new sahhhcks”

Paul:  Why is Jwow getting sued?

Me:  IDK. I didn’t know anything about that and to be honest, Roger is being a big, mean, sexy,  asshole.

Paul:  He does seem to go off like a crazy bastard. I don’t get away with that. Emily fights crazy with crazy.

Me:  That’s the only way to fight.

 

 

 

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