Elle Severe Presents

Oh Am I In Your Way?

In Rants on August 9, 2012 by K. Vargo

Does this ever happen to you?

You are walking down the street at a decent pace; we’ll call it business pace.  This is the pace you walk when you are trying to get to work, catch the bus, you get the idea.  It’s not like you’re jogging or anything, but you’re walking with purpose.  Then there is someone, just one person, not even on a crowded sidewalk, walking in front of you at a pace just a shade slower than you need to be going.

Here is what puzzles me.  Even though the sidewalk is a decent size and not crowded, somehow there is not enough room to completely sidestep them.  Sometimes this is because there is another person on the other side walking even slower so you can’t cut over, but other times it is because the person in front of you is walking in such a way that makes it almost impossible to get by them. They are not even aware of you, but as you go to move left, they drift eeeeeeeever so slightly left, just enough so you can no longer pass them on the left.  So you head back to center to get past them and  guess what? They veer eeeeever so slightly back to the center and now you are almost on top off them at which point you are thinking “how the fuck is this happening?”, but you slow down to avoid stepping on them and make a move to cut right and yes, you guessed it – this person manages to drift eeeeeeever so slightly to the right so once again, you cannot pass. That is until you get annoyed enough and step into a planter or even the street to get the eff away from them.  This may seem random but it happens to me quite a bit.

This brings me to another topic.  Why do people think it is okay to walk three or four deep at the slowest pace possible and take up the entire sidewalk? Or another favorite of mine is to just stop completely on a crowded sidewalk because, you know, that is the perfect place to congregate.  Not one person in the group has the presence of mind to suggest moving to the side? PULL OVER.  I like it when people hang out  in front of exits and entrances, too, because, you know, nobody else wants to use that door.  I want to say to them “that’s a great place to stand”.  Shit, if I started a list of all the things I wanted to say to people, I think it would get really long, really fast.

Which brings me to another topic on entrances/exits.  The people in the building where I work always hit the handicap button to open the door.  The door opens realllllllly slowly when you do that.  I used to think people hit the handicap button because they thought fewer people used it and therefore they were cutting back on  germ exposure.  But here EVERYONE does it and it takes longer than just opening the damn door yourself! Open the fucking the door! You could probably use the exercise.  And while we are at it, can we use both doors? Why do people stand around waiting for people to go both in and out of the same side of the door when you can just open the other one and enter/exit that way? Why, people? I used to think it was just me but this really bothers my coworker, too.  He might not be the best gauge though snce we are both generally pissed off.  Unless one of us is particularly pissed off on a given day, and the other one has to cede a bit to maintain equilibrium.

Oh, this reminds me of another one – why did you get me started? I have noticed a relatively new phenomenon of people not holding the door.  Actually, let me clarify that:  young females not holding the door.  And I don’t mean you’re-three- feet-away-I- can’t-wait not holding the door, I’m talking you are directly, DIRECTLY behind them, and they open the door just enough for themselves and go out so that door closes in your face or on you.  Add this to the list of things I want to say to people, “Hey Princess, don’t let me put you out in the slightest.  It’s obvious you live life the way you open the door – with just enough room for you, so how about you fuck off? Could you do that for me? Could you fuck off? Thanks.  Thanks for being rude first thing in the morning as I leave my building for work.”

There are times when people ask me why I am so pissed off.  I guess it’s bad when my gut reaction to that question is “Why aren’t you pissed off more often?”.

2 Responses to “Oh Am I In Your Way?”

  1. Josh says:

    Another one that really pisses me off is when you go out of your way to hold a door for someone and they don’t even acknowledge you exist. When I am feeling particularly feisty, I yell “You’re welcome” and it makes me feel better. You are dead on with your observations of the general public.

  2. Kara says:

    A sub category of exits and entrances that really needs to be brought up is revolving doors. How do people think it is okay to stand in front of the revolving door? You could literally lose a limb trying to get to your office. Aflac has probably shelled out thousands covering loss of limb due to people won’t get the fuck out of the way.

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