Elle Severe Presents

Past Loves of My Life, Part 2: 1980 to 1985, The Awakening

In Life, Past Loves on July 7, 2012 by Elle Severe

As the 80’s dawned I was a young lady of 8, my tastes were changing and evolving; I was growing up.  Sure, I still watched CHiPs, but things were different now.  I still liked Ponch and Danny Zuko and Vinnie Barbarino, but I didn’t LIKE like them anymore.  I had begun to discover a whole new crop of boys and men that set me afire. The early 80’s began slowly,  but momentum was building and by the late 80’s I was knee deep in lovers.  It was a brutal time for me, juggling all those men.  I didn’t want to break any hearts, but this was my time.  I inherently knew that I would never have this many boyfriends again and that I needed to enjoy them, but that it was strictly a love ‘em and leave ‘em situation.  Let’s begin:

People often wonder where I developed my love of facial hair, well, wonder no more…behold, Mr. Tom Selleck.

Free Mustache Ride! Step right up!

This mustache was a thing of beauty; lush, yet perfectly groomed; soft-looking but very manly.  This right here is the mustache that set into motion a facial hair fetish that lives on to this very day.  This guy made me quiver in my Hollie Hobby undies.  Loved him.  Loved him again in the 90’s when he appeared as Monica’s boyfriend on Friends and love him now as the patriarch on Blue Bloods.  Full disclosure: I don’t watch Blue Bloods, I’m just glad he’s back on TV.  With this particular crush it was two-fold because I loved both Magnum PI AND Tom Selleck.  Prior to this I tended to love either the actor himself OR the character he portrayed.  Thomas Magnum and Thomas Selleck changed that, ushering in a new era in which I realized that I was free to love as much, and as many, as my little brain could hold.

Nice phone. Nice chest hair.

I always felt badly that he never became a huge movie star, he really should have.  I don’t know what went wrong for him.  He certainly had the matinee idol looks and the name recognition so I never understood what it was that prevented him from getting over that hurdle into the movies.  It’s a damn shame.  He is 6 foot 4, 210 pounds of straight up manly deliciousness.

Excuse me gentlemen, may I just squeeze in there between you two? You guys should take off your pants, you’d be more comfortable.

This Blue Bloods thing is really quite overwhelming to me because I cannot even conceive of a world in which one of my first loves is working with one of my former lovers (obviously Donnie is on the list, but not until the late 80’s, early 90’s).  It’s almost too much.  I just hope my name never comes up because that could get awkward for everyone involved.

Back story time! Magnum PI was on the air from 1980 to 1988, sadly for me, for the first 4 years I used to watch only the first half hour of Magnum PI every week.  Let me explain. Magnum PI was on at 8pm every Thursday, unfortunately my bedtime was 8:30pm.  This bedtime was non-negotiable.  My mother would graciously allow me to sit on the floor in the living room and watch the first half hour.  However, her rules were that I was not allowed to speak, forage in the fridge, breathe too loudly, ask any questions or just generally exist and at 8:30pm on the dot, no matter what was going on on the show, she would lift her hand, extend her first finger and dramatically point to the stairs indicating that I was still not to speak, or otherwise engage in any unnecessary banter like “Good Night” or some such nonsense, but instead, was to quietly get off the living room floor and go to bed.  This never sat well with me.  I would begin my whining immediately and she would Blue Steel my ass until I was sufficiently cowered and on my way up those steps.  I made sure to stomp on every single solitary step.  That would show her! It didn’t.  For someone like my mother that type of behavior just strengthened her resolve.  So I would stomp up those stairs wishing I was older and had my own TV and my own house and could watch whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Now I have my own TV and my own house and I STILL can’t watch whatever the hell I want whenever I want because guess what? Now I friggin’ have kids.  Unreal.  Anyway, can you believe she never, ever, EVER let me stay up to watch even just one entire episode! Not even during February or April vacation!  Do you have any idea what it’s like to live your life in a constant cliffhanger? I didn’t watch a complete episode until I was 12.  That’s very unnerving.  I had no idea if Magnum was a good detective until 1984! Whatever.  I’m over it.  No I’m not.

Here’s another show I sampled for 30 minutes a week:

Best. Show. Ever.  Let me guess, you’ve never heard of this show, right? Haven’t a clue about it? One word: Awesome.  Created by Bruce Paltrow (Gwynnie’s dad), it starred a young Ken Howard as a basketball coach at an inner city high school with a predominantly black team.  He taught them about life and love and all that shit. He taught them that rap was just modern day poetry and then got them to really care about their school work despite being poor…oh wait, nope, hang on, wait a minute, he taught them to stand and deliver…wait, no that’s not it….well whatever, anyhoo, the white kid kneeling closest to him was nicknamed “Salami” and I wanted a Salami sandwich.  Badly.  Check him out.

Why so sad, Salami? Coach will make it all better.

I mean, come on, how cute is this guy? He was so 80’s.  LOVED him.  He was always in trouble with Coach and fighting with his teammates but at the end of the day they were all just one big family and loved each other and had each other’s backs.  I miss the 80’s. He stayed pretty cute for a while.

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One Response to “Past Loves of My Life, Part 2: 1980 to 1985, The Awakening”

  1. Loved this…better than the first and can not wait for the Outsiders edition.

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