Elle Severe Presents

What It’s Like To Quit Drinking, Too

In Authors, Life, Musings, One Beer In, Past Loves on August 22, 2014 by Pabby MFNP

Q: You seem to want to take a somewhat serious topic and make a joke out of it. I like that about you. Speaking of that, why is this called, “What It’s Like To Quit Drinking, Too?” Is this a tribute to the “Look Who’s Talking” movies?
A: No, but I could see how you could get that impression. I called it that because up until now, I’ve only really talked about quitting drinking but my real passion was smoking weed. It was my “if you like it then you should a put a ring on it” passion.

Q: Well if you liked it and then you put a ring on it and didn’t get mad when he wanted it, you must have had to get a divorce in a manner of speaking when you had to quit.
A: Yes, I did and when I said good bye, it was like Dorothy saying, “And I’m going to miss you most of all, Scarecrow.”

Q: I’d appreciate it if you kept this lighthearted and not super f’ing sad, please.
A: Sorry, but I miss it like the deserts miss the rain, like in that song.

Q: But the desert, by definition, rarely gets any rain if it gets it at all.
A: Exactly. And I miss you….oh…. like the deserts miss the rain.

Q: Ok, you obviously want to talk about it so what is exactly that you miss about it?
A: I miss how it would make even the most mundane tasks like mopping your kitchen seem like fun. I miss how it used to make movies 20 times better. I miss seeking it out and stockpiling it and when anyone asked for it, saying, “No! Mine!” Then later petting it and saying, “They keep trying to steal my…. Precious!”.

Q: —————————————————
A: What? People were always trying to steal my Precious.

Q: Although marijuana may not cause as many problems as alcohol, I would venture to say that it’s probably a good idea that you quit that, too, based on your last two responses.
A: Yes, it’s kind of an all or nothing deal if you have a problem. But to go back to what else I miss about it is the rituals involved with it. The excitement of scoring. The feel of a new bag of pot in my hands, settling in on the couch to break up that bag…removing the sticks and seeds if there were any…grinding and rolling up the joints. That activity made me feel high in and of itself.
I also really miss shopping for a new pipe or bong or even roller. I didn’t really have a big collection but I was always shopping around for more stuff. Some people wake up on the weekend and hit yard sales. I would wake up and hit the head shops. More often than not, that would cause me enough joy that I wouldn’t even have to smoke that day to feel elated.

Q: And no other shopping ever filled that void?
A: No, I’m super cheap and I don’t like spending money. But I will say I do really enjoy a nice Venti Java Chip Frappachino at Starbucks. Which costs about the exact same amount as a twelve pack of Coronas ten years ago. The cheap bastard in me can’t get past that so I even limit my intake of those. Also, I find that if I have one before a sporting event of some kind, I can get quite amped up and get worked into a frenzy. Then I can yell and scream like an animal and no one has to know that I’m not f’d up. I don’t have to feel ashamed about that anymore!

Q: Hahaha. But back to MJ, now that marijuana has been decriminalized and seems to be more socially acceptable with the medicinal marijuana movement and legalization in Colorado, do you feel resentful that you don’t get to benefit from that?
A: No, not really. When I first quit drinking, they started serving Corona at certain venues that didn’t carry it before and that really used to burn my biscuits. But I’m happy that marijuana smoking has stopped being treated like a crime. I want to see marijuana happy even if it’s not with me. That’s from a Mase lyric.

Q: Of course I know where that is from. You seem to attribute a lot of romantic feelings toward marijuana. First, you wanted to put a ring on it, then you missed it like the deserts miss the rain, now you have the very mature, very selfless feeling of wanting it to be happy even if it’s not with you. Are you sure you’re doing ok? Do you consider marijuana to be the one who got away or something?
A: Hahahaha. Yes, I’m doing ok. I’m fine. I’m just trying to entertain the people but while I do sometimes miss drinking, it’s missing the pot smoking that would keep me up at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering might have been. But I’m realistic enough to know that the end was nigh for me with marijuana as well. One day after work I went to a friend, Elle’s (name changed to protect the innocent) house at 18 Chase Street in Dorchester which is the name of this blog, I got so fucked up that I thought I was going to need medical treatment.

Q. This sounds good. Go on. Tell me about this.
A. Uhhh… ok. I was. Anyway….the night started early, say 5:30. Right when everyone got out of work. We all hustled “home” to 18 Chase and immediately started filling the party bong. Maybe I got Too High Too Fast (Too Furious). But this particular batch must have been laced with crack cocaine or something because almost immediately, I started having heart palpitations. I also had serious issues with separating my internal monologue with my communications with the group. My friends (names changed) Randy and Ranessa picked up on this almost immediately. Then Randy would make a joke and then point at me. At which time, Ranessa who I considered to be the little sister I never had would start smiling and laughing. Et Tu, Ranessa? I was then trapped in my shell of a body. I think it was possible that I could only take a few steps at time as well. So not only was I trapped inside my body for the most part, I was also trapped in a 5 X 5 section of the floor. I could only move when other people also moved. I never saw Randy and Ranessa smile so much. I swear they started to look like demons to me! Eventually Elle got home and she was some kind of saving grace. She found me to be somewhat amusing but she didn’t do me the discourtesy of laughing at me while I’m doing everything I can to try to keep my spirit inside my body. At one point, we all went out into the front porch. I came this close to asking Elle if she would mind if I took a nap until this passes. I had never succumbed to this kind of thing before and I didn’t want to start now, so I hung in there. I’m not sure exactly but I think another friend, Keyshaun might have eventually showed up to join in on the laughing party at my expense. It was truly horrific but also fun in a way. The best part of a nightmare is when you wake up and realize that everything is going to be ok. I’m not sure when exactly this moment happened but I think that KFC might have been involved. However, I think I will have to live a long time to forgive Randy and Ranessa for this betrayal.

Q: Well it’s good that you took some time out of your love fest with MJ to talk about a bad time. Since you have become sober, have you been tempted in that regard?
A: I have been offered that in the past by people who were trying to be polite and I turn into something of a Gandalf from Fellowship of the Ring: “Don’t tempt me, Frodo! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand Frodo, I would use this Ring from a desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.”

Q: Well that seems like something an exaggeration but I see what you mean. Considering the 11 year test of will power that you have been through, do you think that if you were tasked with carrying the ring to destroy it that you could do it?
A: It didn’t seem like humans were strong enough to be able to withstand holding the ring without being taken hold by it. Also, I can’t seem to be able to go a week without eating a bowl of Corn Pops so I’m going to go with “no.” However, let’s  pretend that instead of a ring, it was a bottomless bottle of Corona and a pipe filled with the best weed that never burned out. It could never be used, lest Sauron, the Evil One return to power and it needed to be dropped in the lava at Mordor, who would you rather have do it than me?

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